How to Move On From Your Ex When You Still Love Him

Are you trying to move on, but finding it difficult to be without him? If so, here’s how to move on from your ex boyfriend, even if you’re still in love with him.

Love stinks. You’re miserable when you’re not in love and you’re even more miserable when you’re still in love with someone who no longer loves you. I know; I’ve been there. For me, I find that once I give my heart to a man it really takes a lot for me to get over him, probably because it took me so long to give my heart out in the first place.

One of the most difficult parts of being in love is having that love end on you. You cry, you feel shattered, and you feel like things will never be okay in the world again. Let me be honest with you here, ladies. I’m thirty six years old. I’ve been in love three times in my life and have cared about plenty of boyfriends. There are times when I feel like after being hurt so deeply or so often I’ll never find love again. Sometimes, I even wonder if there’s something wrong with me that I haven’t found love like everyone else.

But then, I have to remind myself that there are billions of people in the world and, statistically speaking, I will fall in love again.

Sometimes, though, I just need to feel attractive again in order to move on from my ex.

Because of that, I’ve compiled a list of ways to move on when you’re still in love with your ex. Yes, it hurts to move on, but trust me when I say that it’ll hurt even more if you keep holding on to the past. Here’s how to move on from your ex boyfriend:

#1 No Contact

The first rule of moving on is no contact. You cannot text your ex, call your ex, stalk your ex, or “accidentally” bump into him at his job or at his favorite restaurant. You must remain without contact if you’re going to get over him and move on.

If he contacts you, do yourself a favor and don’t pick up. I’m serious. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen into the “Baby, I miss you” trap. Here’s how that trap goes: Your guy feels a little nostalgic and decides to call you. You answer and get all emotional with him. You end up in bed together. You think you’re back together, but he realizes it’s a finished relationship and once again is out of your life. You’re devastated again (even harder this time).

Don’t answer the phone and don’t contact him.

#2 Put Away His Picture

It’s not enough that you don’t answer the phone; you must stop looking at him! Delete him from your Facebook page so you don’t have to see him anymore. Remove all those old pictures of him from your phone and take his photos off your shelves. You cannot look at him.

Joe (you remember me telling you about Joe) damn near killed me when he ended our relationship. I thought for sure my heart would shatter into a million pieces and I’d never love again. Even now, seeing a picture of him makes me cringe a little inside. If I looked at his picture every day, every memory we ever made together would come flooding back and I’d never heal.

Do yourself a favor and put his image away for good (just like I did with Joe). Lock those photos in the closet and forget about him.

#3 Don’t Sleep with Him

One of my biggest weaknesses is my ex-booty call. The sex was fabulous between us, but he also had just enough caring to almost be a friend and be there when I needed him and just enough not caring to make me chase him even more. Seriously, he knew how to play me and he had me hooked.

When the last guy I dated and I ended, I called up my ex-booty boy and had a one-night stand (see #7). This was an awful idea. I didn’t realize I missed this guy so much until after we’d had sex again and all these…feelings…came flooding back, feelings I had never really gotten over. I wanted him and yet I hated him at the same time.

Do not, under ANY circumstances, sleep with a man you still care about. Keep him out of your bed and out of your heart.

#4 Allow Yourself Time to Heal

In order to move on, you have to be able to heal. While you might still be in love with your ex, you won’t be able to move on if you don’t heal properly. For some, healing means spending a week in bed crying; for others, it means burning everything he ever gave you. Whatever it means to you, you have to have time to heal. Even if you are still in love with him, it’s important to get all the hurt out of your system.

#5 Let Someone Else Be Nice to You

You might not be ready to start something new, but you need to take the time to let someone else be nice to you now. Many of us don’t move on because we don’t think we’ll ever find someone to love us again. I’m someone who has a difficult time moving on for that reason.

In all honesty, though, if I allow another man to treat me to a nice dinner or buy me a drink and have a good conversation, it reminds me that there are other guys out there who will be nice to me. That’s very important. You need to be reminded that there are nice guys out there or you won’t be able to move on.

#6 Get Flirted with

It isn’t enough that a guy is nice to you; he has to be attracted to you. I had a very lovely date with a very lovely man who did not seem at all attracted to me. Later that night, I went out and had a guy ask to buy me a drink so he could make a toast to me. While I declined his offer, it was still very flattering and I needed that flattery after having a date not attracted to me. It really is an ego boost to be flirted with.

If you can’t get out and get flirted with, call up one of your guy friends and let him make you feel like a woman. Even the most platonic of my male friends still knows how to talk me into remembering I’m sexy and attractive and I’m not nearly as old as I keep telling myself I am.

#7 Sex (Sometimes)

In regards to #3 above, sleeping with my ex-booty call only reminded me I wasn’t over my ex-booty call (I’ve told you before how I managed to care about him more than I should have over the year and a half we were together).

However, it did make me get over the guy that I was dating who had broken my heart. So, the sex worked. In fact, sometimes (and I did say SOMETIMES) the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Just make sure that someone you’re under isn’t another ex.

#8 Go Out

No matter how miserable you are, you absolutely have to get out of the house. If you stay inside, with all those memories and all those reminders, you’ll only make yourself feel worse. Even if you feel like crawling in bed for yet another week…don’t.

Put on your prettiest dress or your best jeans and top, fix your hair and make-up, and go out. I don’t mean go to the library, either; get your ass out of the house and find a nice bar where you can be appropriately admired and ogled.

You will NOT get over your ex if you don’t get out of the house. That’s a fact.

#9 Find a Hobby

Learning to be by yourself is an important step if you’re trying to move on while you’re still in love with your ex. While it’s also important to be around friends, you really need to find something to do on your own that you’ll enjoy.

I took up drums because I know I can do it alone, but I still get the enjoyment of being with an instructor. I’m not completely alone, yet not reliant on my friends to come and save me. Any kind of hobby that requires a group or a teacher is a good idea. MeetUp.com is the best place to find interesting groups and things to do.

#10 Remember He’s Not the Only Man on the Planet

Finally, in order to move on when you’re still in love with your ex, you have to remember that he’s not the only man on the planet. Yes, it probably feels like he’s the only man on the planet, and he’s certainly the only man who’s important to you, but he’s not the ONLY man on the planet. There are plenty of other men – nice me, attractive men, well-adjusted men – who want to be with you, too. It’s just not always the easiest thing to find, is it? Don’t give up, he’s out there. But don’t give in to your ex while you’re waiting either. Take my advice and keep moving forward.