Everything Was Going Great Until He Said Those 5 Shocking Words with Jane Garapick

What do you do when your relationship seems to be perfect, then suddenly he says those words that you hoped to never hear again? Our letter this week comes from one of our beautiful readers who just experienced exactly that.

She has asked to remain anonymous, so I’ve decided to call her “Shocked”, as I’m sure just about all of us can relate to how she’s feeling.

Here’s her story:

Hi Jane,

I hope you read this as I’m going to be as descriptive as possible.

I’m so confused.

I just met this guy about four months ago through some co-workers who are also his housemates. I am 23 and he is 29. I recently got out of a bad relationship which lasted a little over a year. He recently got out of a 3 year relationship a few months before he met me.

My co workers said he thought I was cute and everything but I had no interest. They left us alone and he asked to kiss me. I got so unusually nervous I didn’t say anything an started laughing!

He kissed me anyway.

That night one thing led to another and well you know… afterwards I started laughing again and he asked why? We ended up talking about how weird it is to be with someone else after you’re so used to someone else’s body.

The next morning I wasn’t sure what to do I thought it was a one time thing but we texted all day and I went over again we all hung out together and that’s basically how it’s been for the last three months!

I’ve met his parents. His sister and her husband. All of his friends.

Before I met his family I said it wasn’t a good idea if he didn’t see this going anywhere since every so often he would still talk about stories that included his ex. He expressed he wasn’t ready for a relationship as did I.

I didn’t want one either I knew we both just got out of things and it would just put more pressure on us.

He told me within the first month that it’s crazy because he’s never been like this with a girl and felt this way so fast and showed her off so quickly and that it was scaring him (his mom confirmed this) everything was literally going perfect.

We made dinner together, shopping together I’d help from his eyebrows and we were just weird together it felt so natural. I mean hell he even talked about marriage and kids and once even told me we should have a kid together!

Which of course I never really had much of a response other than my point of view as I didn’t want to come off as the crazy girl talking about all these to quickly but then three weeks ago on a Tuesday morning he invited me to a wedding which was two in a half weeks away.

That Friday morning I bought my dress and that afternoon his texts became weird. He was walking about my question to meet for lunch.

I ended up going to his house after he got off work and after about 15 minutes he said “I think we should slow things down“.

I instantly felt awkward and uncomfortable and he exclaimed how he’s really bummed out and confused as to why he’s feeling this way and that he’s not happy with where is life is because he’s almost 30 but that when he’s with me he doesn’t think of any of that and he said when he’s not with me that he’s miserable.

He said he talked to his friends about how he has the perfect girl in front of him and he feels stupid he doesn’t know what he wants.

He still wanted me to go to the wedding. I said I had to think about it.

That following Tuesday I went over to talk to him and told him how it made me feel and that I just needed to know if he saw this going anywhere. He said he wanted to say yes but he wasn’t sure (he’s very upfront and forward which is not my excuse for him. He actually is.) He told me “I can seriously see myself with you” which is also told my coworker within the first month.

I asked if he wanted to be friends and he just looked at me all puppy eyed and said yes. He wouldn’t stop texting me and I was so hurt I said I couldn’t just be his friend and basically cut off contact.

I listened to our mutual friend that said that’s a terrible idea. I opened that line of contact again.

We haven’t talked about us (it’s been almost three weeks since we’ve seen each other) but he still texts me.

He said he hoped my interview went well and was very excited I got the job he’s telling me the steps he’s making to make his business dream come true and he’s thankful I’m excited for him etc. but being a woman I’m still here thinking so does he still like me? Was he scared?

I know he said he still needed time to grieve over his past relationship which upset me because I had talked to him about this before I met everyone and told him he needed to let me know if I should take a step back. He said no.

But up until that Friday when he said those 5 shocking words there was no sign at all. It was great…

So I guess my question FINALLY would be as before, does he still like me? Was he scared? Should I keep talking to him? Should I even ask to hang out?

The lot of questions I’m sure you can figure I’m thinking…

Jane, as long as this was I really need your advice. I don’t want to say that I thought he was the one because I know that if it doesn’t work out I’ll still be happy either way.

I mean the first time I initially met him I thought he was so annoying. We laughed because neither of us thought that this was going to happen and that both of us would have so much in common.

I could see something special coming from this one and I just want to see if you can give anymore advice to me.